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You're correct. But this is kind of the crux of all of these trials is the fact that when he is convicted, that's when shit blows up.
Medicinally, yarrow is excellent at the start of an infection, cold, sore throat or flu, especially for children, sweetened with honey, as it causes the body to sweat to clear toxins away from the body. On August 2nd the Court of Oyer and Terminer reconvened to hear the third round of witch trials, beginning with the so-called queen of hell Martha Carrier.
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Episode 503 - Salem Witch Trials IV
Do you think that Annie Lennox would have been made into a witch?
Ooh I love Annie Lennox!
I was listening to Here Comes The Rain Again today looking at her and she's just so fun and out there with it.
You're listening to Here Comes The Rain, not Walking On Broken Glass? Wow.
I do like that song too. But Here Comes The Rain Again which is on the radio currently and I listened to that and I was just like ooh, Annie Lennox, that's a cool witch. And she would've been right there in the middle of it and they all started twitching and then she'd go up there and be like (singing) here comes the rain again. And then they'd all be like (wailing).
Love Annie Lennox.
Fucking shirts coming off and everybody's being like let's fuck instead! Let's fuck!
And I just realized how upset I am that Walking On Broken Glass wasn't in the movie Home Alone.
Is Here Comes The Rain, is that (singing) here comes the rain. Is it that one?
No. (singing) Here comes the rain again, washing over me like a memory.
She was in the rain.
Oh okay. (singing) Here comes the rain again.
But when you're in the rain Marcus, you don't think of songs, you're just like I'm wet, I gotta get inside.
But Annie Lennox was like let me bring out my notepad. Isn't that nice? Welcome to Last Podcast on the Left everyone.
(singing) Here comes the rain again.
Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining. That's Judge Judy. I am Ben hanging out with Henry and Marcus.
And we are on to the Salem Witch Trials Part 4!
We're at the end. Can you feel yourself in the cart as you go towards your early grave knowing that no matter what your innocence has been tainted forever? Forever! You are a specimen of the devil and that's how you'll ever be known.
But today, today-
We exonerate these women.
Oh good. And some men?
Not the men, even though they were also innocent.
Great. As always.
So when we last left Salem the establishment had sent the second round of accused witches to their deaths, hanging five women in a single day on the say so of a group of young girls collectively known as the afflicted.
Ooh yeah, and that's not with a K and the black metal writing.
I know what you're talking about.
Now while one might think that seeing five people horrifically hung in the manner which we described last episode might tamp down the furor surrounding the witch hunt, things only got worse once the people of Salem dunked their head in the bucket of blood.
It was like an aperitif for them.
As soon as they saw that first round. Cause I do think on some level they were kind of hoping, they're like all right, because we've talked about before that lull in the paranormal activity after the first round of hangings.
It wasn't even the first round, just one person, it was one person and then five after that.
Yeah but there were there was a kind of a lull, right. They're kind of feeling well maybe we've done it, maybe we'd done it.
But guess what? The fake law keeps rolling on. (singing) Rolling, rolling, rolling.
Do not do Limp Bizkit, not today.
As a consequence, people in Salem were quickly realizing that getting captured and examined was an almost guaranteed fast track to conviction and public execution.
However while most of the people who knew this still played the game, there were others who tackled accusations from a different angle. In Cambridge a woman named Elizabeth Carey was accused and imprisoned, so her husband, a military man named Nathaniel, decided to actually do something about it.
This is a movie. I feel like this little segment right here because what it comes down to is like, 'I've got a certain set of skills. I could turn wheat into the shape of a woman. And they don't know, they don't know that it's not you in there, it's actually just wheat.'
All right. So we have a Liam Neeson Taken situation, is this about to be a superhero tale?
Knowing that she would hang if she went to trial, Carey worked with an accomplice to break his wife out of prison. They were successful!
That's called witch prison break.
What were prisons back then? Just a whole series of different kinds of sticks? How did they hold people? I mean they're not like today, you can't break people out anymore.
There actually was several versions of it.
There was kind of shitty, kind of impromptu put up jails, right. They had to do stuff like that. There was also just the courthouse where the constables were, they'd have a holding cell or two that were essentially just shacks attached to the building. But also I do believe there were and I might be wrong, [email protected] if you know because I'd love to know, I believe that they also dug ditches and had put people inside of ditches and then had sort of gratings put on top of them.
Either way not the most difficult prisons to break out of perhaps.
Well it's not supermax but it's going to be somewhat difficult. It's not gonna be the easiest day, although sometimes you could just break someone out with an axe.
That's fucking sweet.
We broke him out with a sick guitar riff.
After Nathaniel stayed behind to take the heat for a couple of days while his wife got clear, the daring couple fled to New York City where nobody gave a shit about witches because witches were bad for every business except rope. Meanwhile though, those who didn't have a bold military husband to arrange a jailbreak were left to face the music in Salem. On August 2nd the Court of Oyer and Terminer reconvened to hear the third round of witch trials, beginning with the so-called queen of hell Martha Carrier.
Now that's a big title.
Because you got all these fucking witches, how'd she get to be the queen of hell? Why is she in charge? Because she's last?
I think she has the most amount of soot on her feet.
Dirty ass feet. But some people like that.
Do you think that it was because she was like, 'Quain', like that style? And everyone's being like, wow girl, you go girl. It was like that where she was like a fashion icon or something?
I think it was a lot like everything else where someone just said it and it stuck.
Maybe she wore Prada.
Maybe it's Maybelline.
Well Carrier had been the woman whose sons had flipped after being tortured, discussed at the end of the last episode. But so many people testified against Carrier that the testimonies of her sons weren't even heard in court.
Most notably influential Minister Cotton Mather used an oddly John Waters-esque insult when he referred to Martha Carrier as a quote "rampant hag".
Whatever dog. That just means she's on that grind. She's on that grind culture out there being the queen of hell, being herself, supporting herself, being her own quain, right. Because when it comes down to it, quain is without anybody, she don't need a kang.
Can one person be rampant?
I think so, that's the idea. That's why I feel like we'll put it to our listeners, be the rampant hag you know you can be.
I agree with that, sure.
Because you're undeniable. Because you're just a hag who is everywhere, anywhere at all times.
If you're a man be a herg. It's the male version of a hag, I don't know.
I think it's asshole.
Oh yeah, that's true too.
Well partly people turned against Martha because she showed a seeming lack of empathy for the afflicted while the rest of the community was bending over backward to take care of these poor put upon girls.
Oh it's kind of like how my mom did the thing when the Michael Jackson news like fully hit and she was like oh when I got molested no one took me to an amusement park. It's just that, she's just being like yeah, these fucking other bitches ain't doing shit, all right. I'm a rampant hag. I'm everywhere, I don't take a day off from being a bitch.
I love that your mom has the same ideas as Sam Kinison.
Yes. It reminds me very much of Birdcage when Nathan Lane's character was like, 'Why don't they just let the babies die and they'll take the mother's down with the ship?' about abortions. And then Gene Hackman is like, 'That's exactly what Rush Limbaugh said.'
However again like it was with the fucking farm animals in the last episode, many of the people that testified against Martha Carrier did so because of petty disputes over property lines. And those subsequent arguments had ended in specific and somewhat witchy threats. The year previous, a neighbor named Abbott had gotten into a dispute over property boundaries with Martha Carrier and she got so angry that she said she would quote "stick as close to Abbott as bark to a tree."
There's Abbott, there's me! There's Abbott, there's me. I'm a rampant fucking hag.
Why would someone want to be around someone like bark on a tree that they hated?
Because they could fucking eyeball you, dog.
Yeah, eyeballing you. They're making sure you ain't gonna fuck up nowhere, nohow, not without this rampant hag fucking seeing it and calling you on your shit.
I'm the queen of fucking hell! I hate your fence.
Right, okay. I mean it just seems like she would be making her own life miserable also.
Hey man, quain's gonna quain.
I think that's sort of the story of Salem right there is everyone making everyone else miserable at the expense of their own happiness.
Nothing but net.
Now that threat wasn't too bad but when she very cryptically said that Abbott would be sorry for causing trouble before seven years were through, she added that not even the most talented doctor and all the land would be able to save him.
I'm liking her, man. I'm liking her, man. Don't you fucking dare to say anything about her grass.
I'm not messing with her.
Soon after of course many of Abbott's cows fell ill and died, he was struck with severe pain on his side, his foot became infected and allegedly gushed several gallons of pus when it was lanced, and a series of sores on his groin also became filled with enough pus to need regular lansing.
Sounds like his body was trying to make another farmer.
Yeah, it sounds like he got monkeypox which by the way I've done a deep dive on that. You want to avoid it.
Really good advice.
Well supposedly though once Carrier was arrested, her neighbor's groin sores began to heal and no further lansing of the boils was required. And so for the crime of coincidence, Martha Carrier was convicted and sentenced to hang.
It's gonna take four ropes to hang me.
I guess so. So this guy got genital warts and they blamed it on this poor woman?
It sounds a lot more like herpes than genital warts but not every sore in your groin has to be an STD.
No, absolutely. He could really just be, it could be a wasting disease, it could be a form of rampant psoriasis.
It could just be bad pants.
Bad pants. At the time bad pants was the cause of like 5% of deaths because they just ground you down.
Oh yes, the old asbestos Levi's.
That's why I switched up all my underwear to softer stuff because I really got sick of putting all this like cheap ass course Haines dollar store fabric up against my most precious jewels.
Your asshole, yes.
It's a good idea. But while seemingly everyone was convinced of Martha Carrier's guilt, the next on the docket, John Proctor and his wife Elizabeth, were two of the accused whose possible guilt split the community. See Proctor had garnered 51 signatures on two separate petitions from people attesting to his good character. This was just like Rebecca Nurse, she had also gotten a lot of signatures and I think Elizabeth Howe had also gotten signatures. But Proctor was different from Rebecca for one reason. He not only had the respect of the community like she had but he was also a landowning businessman, man being the operative word here.
As someone who has had to petition before and get signatures, I would rather be hung.
It is very scary.
I hated it so much.
Yeah, being hanged is much better than doing cold calls.
What's your address? Can you fill it out? Make sure it's clean and I can see it.
God, you just over them just being like, 'Use the pencil! Use the pencil, ma'am!'
Well therefore since they were killing or at least trying to kill a highly respected man, a fair amount of mental gymnastics and cognitive dissonance had to be done to accept the guilt of such a person. And this was the first of many that would eventually come to be too much for the people of Salem to accept long term. Nevertheless John Proctor and his wife Elizabeth were found guilty and sentenced to death.
Yeah, Daniel Day, sentenced to death.
66. Although his wife's execution was delayed until she gave birth to the child she was carrying.
Man that must've been a fun day. It must've been a night. It would be like oh congrats!
Which day was fun? The day she got pregnant, the day she was sentenced to death, or the day she eventually gave birth to the baby or the day that she hung?
Hopefully the only day she ever smiled was the day she conceived.
Hopefully. I don't know if pleasure was involved but hopefully that's the one time she ever, like when John Proctor gave the (grunting) all right, that should do, that should be a son. I think that might have been nice. But it was giving birth in the cell, in the Salem Town, Danvers, or Boston cell, wherever they were, and watching that flop out into the dirt-covered hay and they're all like, 'That's good. Now you get to be hanged.' She had like two seconds of like (moaning). Unless she had postpartum depression which actually might have helped.
That baby could have been Jesus Christ himself.
He wasn't. Because he survived and he was just a guy.
Yeah, just a fucking guy.
Could also just see her. Well nevermind. The image, you get it. Well nevermind.
Are you just talking about her open birthing vagina is what you're talking about?
No, her hanging and then the baby.
Oh, flopping out of her?
But also hanging.
This is a great detour.
I'm glad we're here.
Well partly the Proctors had been condemned by the testimony of their servant Mary Warren who had flipped from afflicted to accused and back to afflicted, a switch that certainly didn't help the Proctors.
No. Fucking Kevin Durant trying to get out of the Nets.
Wow. That's an interesting observation coming from you.
He read a headline.
This is how I talk to straight men.
Now John Proctor's conviction would have been a big deal anywhere in the western world owing to his status and gender. But his trial and conviction would pale in comparison to that of the man who faced the judges in Salem next, the reverend George Burroughs.
This is the only guy I'm proud they hung. They got him, man.
He sounds like an asshole.
Just because he was a reverend?
You can't just go around killing people for being assholes!
You're correct. But this is kind of the crux of all of these trials is the fact that when he is convicted, that's when shit blows up.
Because you crossed the line, you finally did the thing. What was it? They're using the line now, someone crossed the Rubicon. That's what it is.
They've been using that line since Napoleon crossed the Rubicon hundreds of years ago. Not even, that wasn't Napoleon, that was fucking Julius Caesar. Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon! People have been saying that for thousands of years!
Everybody that was crossing through the Rubicon, why does nobody just enjoy it? Smell the flowers, enjoy yourself.
After Julius Caesar returned from his campaign in Gaul, sir!
The Rubicon actually sounds kinda nice.
I don't know. All I know is I think someone crossed the Rubicon. That's for sure.
You crossed the Rubicon on just making shit up.
Hey man, hey. I'm just a funny guy.
What the fuck is a Rubicon?
Yeah, being hanged is much better than doing cold calls.
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