"Say the magic word" is a commonly used phrase that is often associated with magic tricks, entertainment, or children's games. It is used to introduce an element of surprise or mystery by emphasizing the importance of a specific word or phrase. In the context of magic tricks or illusions, the phrase is often said by the performer to the audience or participant before or during the trick. The intention is to create suspense and anticipation, putting the participant in a position where saying the magic word is believed to help facilitate or execute the trick successfully. Similarly, in children's games or playtime activities, the phrase "say the magic word" is often used as a playful way of encouraging good manners or polite behavior. Children are prompted to say "please" or another predetermined word as a form of politeness, rewarding them with a desired outcome or response.
You can use the same principle to guide your child to speak politely. All you have to do is make sure that polite communication is more effective than impolite communication. When your child demands that you open his yogurt (with or without the “magic word”) all you have to do is not open the yogurt. You might say, “Could you ask me a different way?”—or you might simply smile and raise your eyebrows, waiting for him to remember. Children use the behavior that’s effective. If a demanding tone of voice doesn’t work on you, I promise, your child will try something different.
Politeness is being conscious of other people and using your voice and actions to convey respect for them; it s using your socialized brain to regulate your desires. But over time he learns to make intentional gestures like holding the food out to you, because when he does this, you understand what he means, so he gets his food more quickly.
Children are prompted to say "please" or another predetermined word as a form of politeness, rewarding them with a desired outcome or response. The concept of the magic word can also extend beyond a literal word or phrase. It can be used figuratively to denote the importance of a specific action or behavior.
The Not-So-Magic Word
Often in my preschool, while sitting around the lunch table, a child will say, “Open my yogurt.” If I don’t respond immediately he’ll repeat: “Open my yogurt!” I’ll turn and say, “Could you ask me a different way?” And he’ll say, “Please!” with a look of victory on his face.
He’s used the magic word! And the magic word, in his experience, is really magic: when he says it, people magically do what he wants them to do. It’s even better than that, because he doesn’t even have to remember when to say it. When it’s required, someone will remind him, “Say the magic word.”
“Give me a cookie!”
“Say the magic word.”
But is adding the word "please" to a request actually politeness? Politeness is being conscious of other people and using your voice and actions to convey respect for them; it’s using your socialized brain to regulate your desires. Shouting a syllable when prompted? Not actually very polite. We can’t expect children to behave like adults—nor would we want them to! But childhood is the best time to learn the appropriate way to treat others.
Luckily, guiding a child to speak kindly isn’t that hard. Children learn to use whatever behavior is effective to get their needs met. For instance, when your infant needs help with food he might wave his hands and make noises. But over time he learns to make intentional gestures like holding the food out to you, because when he does this, you understand what he means, so he gets his food more quickly. The same principle helps your child graduate from gestures to words—words are simply more effective.
You can use the same principle to guide your child to speak politely. All you have to do is make sure that polite communication is more effective than impolite communication. When your child demands that you open his yogurt (with or without the “magic word”) all you have to do is not open the yogurt. You might say, “Could you ask me a different way?”—or you might simply smile and raise your eyebrows, waiting for him to remember. Children use the behavior that’s effective. If a demanding tone of voice doesn’t work on you, I promise, your child will try something different.
Remember, too, that children need models for positive behaviors. If you want him to be polite.
- use a kind voice when you ask him to pass the salt;
- wait until he’s done with his game before you tell him to clean up;
- don’t ask him to go get you something the moment he sits down;
- . and make sure you’re being polite to other people when your child is around.
Lest you worry, being polite towards children does not mean giving up authority. In my classroom I use a kind voice when I say, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but when you’re done reading that book, it will be time to clean up.” That politeness doesn’t mean that clean-up is optional; children quickly learn that I mean what I say, and that I follow through on rules and consequences. I’m just not rude about it.
Early childhood is the time when children learn to treat others with consideration. But all too often saying “the magic word” gets you the thing you want without you having to actually be considerate. Words matter, but so does what’s behind the words. Let’s take away the magic of “the magic word,” and start teaching kids politeness.
Whte_rbt.obj is a reference to the White Rabbit from the Alice in Wonderland series.
For example, in the context of customer service, "please" could be seen as the magic word when it comes to interacting with clients and providing excellent service. Overall, the expression "say the magic word" carries a sense of wonder, anticipation, or the need to follow certain social conventions. Whether in the realm of entertainment, childhood games, or everyday interactions, the use of this phrase adds an element of excitement and surprise..
Reviews for "The Magic Word and Emotional Intelligence: Building Stronger Relationships"
1. Jane - 2 stars - "Say the Magic Word" was a disappointing read for me. The plot felt predictable and lacked any real surprises or twists. I found myself getting bored halfway through and struggled to stay engaged with the characters. Additionally, the writing style felt flat and lacked any descriptive depth. Overall, I was left feeling underwhelmed by this book and wouldn't recommend it to others.
2. Mark - 1 star - I couldn't even finish "Say the Magic Word" as it failed to capture my interest right from the start. The characters were one-dimensional and lacked any real development. The dialogue felt forced and unnatural, making it difficult to connect with the story. Furthermore, the pacing was slow and the plot seemed to drag on without any significant events. I was disappointed by this book and would not recommend it to anyone looking for an engaging read.
3. Sarah - 2 stars - "Say the Magic Word" was a letdown for me. The premise sounded intriguing, but the execution fell flat. The characters were not relatable and their actions often felt unrealistic. The plot had potential, but it lacked depth and failed to fully explore its concept. I found myself skimming through pages, hoping for something exciting to happen, but it never did. Overall, I was disappointed by this book and wouldn't recommend it to others.