Unleash Your Sense of Humor: A Closer Look at the Giggle Spell Polisher

The giggle spell polisher is a device designed to enhance and refine one's ability to cast a spell that induces laughter. Laughter is a powerful tool in the world of magic, as it can lighten the mood, break through tension, and create a sense of joy. The giggle spell polisher aims to amplify this effect by ensuring the spellcaster's laugh is as contagious and potent as possible. It works by analyzing the individual's laughter and identifying areas for improvement. The device then provides feedback and exercises to help the spellcaster refine their giggle spell. This includes techniques to enhance vocal quality, timing, and contagiousness.

As you travel outwards from Oerth, past its two moons and past its sun, you will eventually encounter an asteroid field known as The Grinder. You will encounter this asteroid field no matter which direction you travel from Oerth, because unlike your typical asteroid belt which orbits the system primary in more-or-less the same ecliptic as the other planets, the Grinder is a sphere of asteroids completely enclosing Oerth, Kule, Raenei, and Liga within it. Any path you take from Oerth to the crystal shell of Greyspace (or vice versa) must pass through the Grinder sooner or later. There's simply no way of avoiding it.

The average distance between asteroids is miles km , so it is in theory possible to blow right through at full long-range spelljamming speed without incident. A problem arose when I washed in the vibe for 20 mins -- BUT forgot them till 4 hours later and by that time the gloss was a lot less and the Lapis had gone grey on th edges Grrrrrrrrrrrr hence my Wash by hand note.

This includes techniques to enhance vocal quality, timing, and contagiousness. The giggle spell polisher is a valuable tool for any magic practitioner looking to incorporate humor and laughter into their spells. By improving their giggle spell, spellcasters can captivate audiences, boost morale, and create a positive atmosphere in any magical setting.

[Let's Read] Greyspace (Spelljammer -- AD&D 2e) (1 Viewer)

Update for the curious about asocial dragon societies, since we said 'ask where the food comes from' and all.

A hawk eats up the 15% of its body weight a day. Let's say a dragon eats 20% to sustain their thaumobiology. According to the dragonomicon an adult dragon weighs in at 20,000 lbs, which means 6000 lbs of meat a day.

In other words, you need an ecology that can sustain a whole dang elephant being eaten a day. Around half an elephant per square kilometer, 3% growth rate per year, 365 days per year. that means each adult dragon needs a bit more than 24,000 square kilometers. Or in other words that they need to control a 90 km radius from their lair in order to hunt enough to survive. A hexagon with a side of 97 km, for tiling purposes. Add in intense fights every few decades about adding room for the kids.

This isn't actually a problem, especially since with a 200 ft fly speed an adult dragon can go 120 mph - no WONDER Smaug sounded like a hurricane when he was coming to Erebor - but it does really show the advantages of agriculture.

Draconomicon had it that their magical biology actually has them need less food, as well as letting them eat inorganic material. It was an answer to how the heck these giant superpredators don't erase a planet's biosphere.

DarkMoc

Validated User

Well, for the aquatic ones Though actually most whales would actually be too large to eat in a sitting, or to fly with for that matter. They'd have to hunt them young. And now I'm wondering if dragon Hoard Magic (that just has to be a thing. ) extends to preserving meat. Odd effect of a dragon's lair, corpses don't rot and blood never stops being fresh. Makes tracking difficult, if it comes up.

This will also contribute to a draconic reputation for viciousness, since of course even good dragons can't afford to pass on a meal. They'll always eat dead enemies, with perhaps a moment's reverence for the more morally inclined. And this is why they spend so much time sedentary and nearly hibernating.

And now I'm imagining a black dragon whose territory is a bayou stashing whales underwater like an alligator. Which of course will attract a variety of other monsters as well. Of course since Black Dragons usually sleep underwater anyway you can have it curled up in its lair with a whale corpse, doing the dragonic rest thing and eating it occasionally for months. Which, combined with their ability and inclination to corrupt water, makes the lair truly indescribably foul. We're talking regular saves against nausea and filth fever from exposure. And any rogue with Water Breathing still needs to avoid shit like giant corpse worms that might wake the dragon.

In 3rd edition, 5th-level casting for a dragon should take care of that issue, given the existence of gentle repose. That's between Young Adult and Mature Adult for every core rulebook variety of dragon except the white dragon, which gets it at Old, and since it lasts for 1 day/level it only needs to be cast intermittently.

The 2nd edition equivalent is preservation, a 2nd-level wizard spell from Spellbound, but I don't know how long that one lasted.

DarkStarling

Brilliantly Crazed

Hi Afterburner, I'm glad you're doing these again.

This whole paragraph had me giggling, bravo.

Coming directly after the rumpy-pumpy paragraph.

Draconomicon had it that their magical biology actually has them need less food, as well as letting them eat inorganic material. It was an answer to how the heck these giant superpredators don't erase a planet's biosphere.

Ah, I can imagine magical biology being more efficient - especially if you say magic concentrates as you go up trophic levels. But either way my point was actually that they can survive just fine. Especially in a megafauna phase planet like dnd worlds inevitably are.

Afterburner

Remarkably expressive bandages

Thanks! Glad you like 'em.

Hopefully my muse will last long enough for me to finish this book and Krynnspace before it inevitably wanders off and my attention shifts to something else.

Also, I have to give Roger Ebert the credit for the "rumpy-pumpy" phrase, as he used it in his reviews and other writings.

Armitage

Validated User

The 2nd edition equivalent is preservation, a 2nd-level wizard spell from Spellbound, but I don't know how long that one lasted.

One day per level, but it only affected one corpse that was human-sized or smaller or up to nine cubic feet of natural food.

DarkMoc

Validated User

One day per level, but it only affected one corpse that was human-sized or smaller or up to nine cubic feet of natural food.

The nine cubic feet makes it interesting (to me). If I remember correctly, the rule of thumb for freezer storage of meat is that 1 cubic foot will hold around 25 pounds. I'd consider it fair to assume that a dragon equipped with that spell could preserve 200-225 pounds of meat per casting.

glass

(He/him or they/them)

It really does, doesn't it!

I already do the Hoard Song thing (shamelessly stolen from 13th Age IIRC), but the more reasons for dragons to care (especially non-evil dragons) to care about amassing and protecting a huge hoard, the better (reasons other than "they're oversized scaly magpies" or "they're really greedy", I mean).

DarkMoc

Validated User

Fun little side note - I mentioned that Greyspace is set around 579 CY. I'm currently reading through Greyhawk: Folk, Feuds, and Factions from the City of Grayhawk boxed set, and 579 CY is when Greyhawk revised their currency and stopped minting iron and bronze coins. As far as I know, the old coinage system was never actually described in previous setting books (I wasn't able to find it in the 1983 books or in Greyhawk Adventures, but I don't have the 1980 Folio), but it was detailed in the first Gord the Rogue book:
5 iron drabs = 1 brass bit
10 brass bits = 1 bronze zee
5 bronze zees = 1 copper common
4 copper commons = 1 silver noble
5 silver nobles = 1 electrum lucky
10 electrum luckies = 1 gold orb
11 electrum luckies = 1 platinum plate

The new system, as detailed in FFF:
10 copper commons = 1 silver noble
5 silver noble = 1 electrum lucky
2 electrum luckies = 1 gold orb
5 gold orbs = 1 platinum plate

I kind of like the earlier system for being as inconsistent in how many coins equal a bigger coin as real-world currency systems, plus the potential hilarity for Krynnish steel pieces to only be accepted as iron drabs (with the crew probably then trying to get as many iron drabs as possible to take back to Krynn, where they're not accepted at all because iron is not steel).

Afterburner

Remarkably expressive bandages

The Grinder

As you travel outwards from Oerth, past its two moons and past its sun, you will eventually encounter an asteroid field known as The Grinder. You will encounter this asteroid field no matter which direction you travel from Oerth, because unlike your typical asteroid belt which orbits the system primary in more-or-less the same ecliptic as the other planets, the Grinder is a sphere of asteroids completely enclosing Oerth, Kule, Raenei, and Liga within it. Any path you take from Oerth to the crystal shell of Greyspace (or vice versa) must pass through the Grinder sooner or later. There's simply no way of avoiding it.

These asteroids range from 100 miles in diameter all the way down to the size of "golfballs". And yes, the word "golfballs" was used in the text, thus indicating that the sport of golf canonically exists somewhere in the worlds of D&D. Only a few of the asteroids weigh in at Size B though. Perhaps 200, all told, range in size from 10 to 100 miles in diameter. Substantially more (10,000 or so) tip the scales at Size A (1 to 10 miles in diameter). And there are billions upon billions more that are smaller.

Every asteroid in the Grinder orbits Oerth, but they all have different ecliptics and different orbital periods. Some orbit clockwise, some orbit counter-clockwise, and frankly the whole thing is a chaotic mess. Collisions between the smaller asteroids are pretty common, sending them (or at least their shrapnel) caroming off into space at random directions. The largest asteroids, however, are safe from collisions, at least with one another, because they're the ones that survived. In the Distant Beforetimes, there were probably lots and lots of large asteroids colliding with each other. But now, after countless millions of years, the largest asteroids in the Grinder are the ones whose orbits allowed them to not run into anything. Sort of the Anthropic Principle, but applied to space rocks.

Naturally, the purpose of the Grinder is to provide exciting moments where spelljamming ships have to dodge and weave their way through a vast profusion of flying rocks, possibly while being chased by malefactors and ne'er-do-wells. As such, the Grinder is very dense when compared to our own asteroid belt and asteroid clusters. The average distance between asteroids is "miles" ("km"), so it is in theory possible to blow right through at full long-range spelljamming speed without incident. However, there's about a 50-50 chance that you'll run into something big enough to slow you down to tactical speed (which would at least give you a chance to avoid it) -- or worse, run into something that isn't big enough to slow you down to tactical speed (which is a recipe for heartache and regrets).

There are a lot of rocks in the Grinder. Its orbital radius is 200 million miles (322 million km), so the Grinder covers a total surface area of around 5.0 x 10^17 square miles (13.0 x 10^17 square km). Since the average distance between asteroids is measured in a few miles, there's something on the order of 4.0 x 10^17 rocks whirling around. According to a renowned Oerthish sage, if you were to take all the rocks in the Grinder and make a single planet out of them, the planet would have a diameter of 500,000 miles (800,000 km). Which is about 60% the size of our own sun here in reality, and nearly 6x larger than Jupiter.

Figuring out the math of whether or not a planet 500,000 miles in diameter could account for 4.0 x 10^17 rocks at the listed sizes (with some room for attrition due to collisions over the millennia) is left as an exercise for the interested reader.

But was it a planet to begin with? No one knows. In our previous entry, there was mention of a second sun which appeared (or so the ancient myths say) in Oerth's sky before it went mysteriously missing. Some speculate that this second sun disappeared when it crashed into the planet that became the Grinder.

Others claim that that this is so much pish-tosh, and that the gods put the Grinder there themselves to protect Oerth. Which raises the obvious question: "Protect it from what?"

With this many rocks and this much area, the place is a haven for pirates and other predators who find it easy to remain undetected among the asteroids. Presumably they're not just sitting and waiting for someone to come along, though, because those are some pretty long odds. But even the folks who are (more-or-less) on the up-and-up find the Grinder a useful place to be. For one thing, it covers such a vast amount of space that it is literally impossible for planet-bound authorities to effectively tax the place.

"One degree off course is better than ninety." (Translation: "A wise man settles for almost perfect.")
--Spacefarer's aphorism

As a consequence, the Grinder has also become a popular place for merchants and middlemen. Every spacefaring race, especially mercantile-oriented races like the Arcane and the Dohwar, have an outpost somewhere in the Grinder. One can also find military bases, temples to the gods, missionary outposts, mining outposts, gambling dens, and much more. And because the Grinder is so utterly huge, these outposts can co-exist without crowding each other and causing friction or tension.

The largest, most important port of call in the Grinder is also the largest asteroid: Ceres. Yes, the largest asteroid in Oerth's asteroid field has the same name as the largest asteroid in our own asteroid belt. I was going to make a joke here about the perils of multiversal resonance, but Ceres is a Roman deity, and half the pantheons on the Outer Planes are from Earth. I don't recall any instance where the Roman gods were described in D&D terms, since we typically use their Greek counterparts instead (Ceres was the Roman equivalent to Demeter), but there's probably a Dragon article somewhere that talks about Jupiter and Juno and Minerva and Vulcan instead of Zeus and Hera and Athena and Hephaestus.

In any case, Ceres is a size B planetoid, 100 miles (160 km) in diameter. It has air and water and Oerth-normal gravity (and this is true for many of the Grinder's larger asteroids). It's vaguely kidney-shaped, and has a large lake 10 miles (16 km) in diameter square in the middle of the "saddle". A small town exists there with around 250 permanent residents (mostly humans, with some demihumans and humanoids), and plenty of facilities for ships to land, either in the water or on land. There are no native animals or plants aside from a harmless type of slime mold, though, and imported plants from Oerth cannot grow here. So the whole thing is barren and desolate and probably looks a lot like Lost Carcosa.

Elsewhere in the Grinder, the d0rfs have set up a mining operation named "Motherlode" in the d0rfish tongue. This is another size B rock, and they are pulling all kinds of valuable metals out of it. Zinc, copper, and lead are known quantities, and there are rumors of gold and mithril and perhaps something else even more valuable deep in the heart of the asteroid.

Given the absence of truly bulk freighters in the Spelljammer setting, and given that I am a truck driver by trade, I do have to wonder about the economics of going into space to mine ore that could probably be mined more easily on Oerth.

The lizardmen have an outpost called Lassh'tz Zst'q, which translates into "We Are Here". The gnomes call it Harkalopenarigastinoven, which sounds vaguely Finnish, and translates into "Do-Not-Go-Here-Or-You-Will-Most-Probably-Find-Yourself-Eaten-ln-Short-Order". It is a swampy, fetid asteroid, only a few miles in diameter, and sounds a lot like someone ripped a chunk out of southern Louisiana.

The illithids have set up a little garden spot called "Skullbringer", and really, if the names of your ships and towns all invoke death and horror then maybe you're the bad guys and should do some deep introspection. While they seem to be simple traders (when they're not eating sentient brains), rumors have it that a neogi mindspider occasionally puts in, for what purpose we can only guess.

One asteroid comes straight out of a George Romero horror movie, and is positively teeming with undead. Which ordinarily wouldn't be a problem, except that it looks like it will be coming uncomfortably close to Ceres in the next few years. Of course, since none of the undead can spelljam, perhaps the situation isn't as dire as all that.

Finally, there were two beholder outposts in the Grinder. But, like pet rabbits chewing on power cords, this problem solved itself when the two outposts got close enough to notice each other, whereupon the residents immediately annihilated one another to the last floating eyeball. Or so it would seem. I'm sure there are no surviving beholders lurking around either of the two remaining bases.

"A smart player saves his best efforts for the games that matter. And there's only one game that matters."
--excerpt from Remembrances by Samn Rall

Given the bordering-on-lawless frontier lifestyle in the Grinder, most residents cleave to a rugged-individualist style of Libertarianism where governments are bad because they just want to keep Honest Joes from working hard and making an honest buck. Government leaders -- if they have a government at all -- are usually businessmen rather than politicians. Ceres, for example, has a "Harbormaster", who is primarily in charge of ensuring that the docks run smoothly, and who will keep the peace once NOT keeping the peace becomes too expensive. Fortunately for him, keeping the peace is easy because, and I quote: "Enlightened self-interest tells everyone that violence and irresponsibility are bad for business, so nobody gets too far out of line." Providing further proof (if it were needed) that this is indeed a fantasy setting.

The current Harbormaster is a half-elf named Carryl Landis, who is a genuinely good man with a genuine talent for administration and enough charisma to get people to behave themselves without him needing to bust heads. He is one of those noble politicians who doesn't really want to be a politician. He has vowed to step down from the post as soon as anybody competent and sincere runs against him. But over the past 10 years he has been in office, he has faced a parade of corrupt power-seekers and mendacious criminals and petty, officious pricks. So he keeps running for office and continues to win.

"The shortest distance between two points is usually a losing proposition. Three-cornered trade is the only way to make a killing."
--excerpt from The Trader's Handbook by Stokas Barnaby

"You can fool all of the people some of the time and that's usually enough."
--excerpt from The Trader's Handbook by Stokas Barnaby

Final Analysis
There's just something about inhabited asteroid belts that draws out the Wild West analogues. You could put anything in here, including the Rock of Bral if you wanted. Spies and criminals and reclusive heroes and all manner of adventure lurk out there in the rocks.

In other words, you need an ecology that can sustain a whole dang elephant being eaten a day. Around half an elephant per square kilometer, 3% growth rate per year, 365 days per year. that means each adult dragon needs a bit more than 24,000 square kilometers. Or in other words that they need to control a 90 km radius from their lair in order to hunt enough to survive. A hexagon with a side of 97 km, for tiling purposes. Add in intense fights every few decades about adding room for the kids.

So, if you're a wizard or witch looking to level up your spellcasting abilities, consider investing in a giggle spell polisher to bring more laughter and joy into your magical endeavors..

Reviews for "Discover the Power of Laughter: A Guide to the Giggle Spell Polisher"

- Sarah - 2 stars - I was really disappointed with the "Giggle spell polisher". It didn't work as advertised and didn't remove any stains or blemishes from my furniture. I followed the instructions carefully but it just seemed like a waste of time and money. I would not recommend this product to anyone looking for an effective polisher.

- John - 1 star - This product was a complete waste of money. It barely made any difference to the shine or finish of my wooden surfaces. I followed the instructions and gave it multiple tries, but it didn't live up to its claims. I ended up having to buy a different brand and was much more satisfied. Don't bother with the "Giggle spell polisher", it simply doesn't work.

- Emily - 2 stars - I found the "Giggle spell polisher" to be very underwhelming. It didn't provide the results I was expecting and left my furniture looking dull and streaky. I even tried using it on different surfaces, but it just didn't deliver. Overall, I was disappointed with this product and wouldn't repurchase it.

Laugh It Up: The Benefits of Using the Giggle Spell Polisher