The Dragon Company has gained quite a reputation in recent years for their alleged involvement in the dark arts of black magic. This secretive organization, shrouded in mystery and obscurity, is said to harness the powers of the occult to further their own interests and manipulate those around them. While their exact practices and rituals are unclear, there have been numerous reports and testimonies from individuals who claim to have witnessed the eerie and supernatural activities of the Dragon Company. Rumors surrounding the Dragon Company suggest that their black magic practices involve summoning and commanding dark forces. Some believe that they have the ability to manipulate minds, control events, and influence people's decisions through their sinister spellcasting. It is said that they can even bend reality to their will, altering the course of events and shaping the destiny of individuals and organizations.
There was also a small increase in sales for a 1961 cover version of the song, sung by Ella Fitzgerald, which just nudged into the top 150.
Propelled by a campaign on Facebook, the song is number 10 in the midweek charts, published on Wednesday, and is on course to be one of the top three sellers by the end of the week. There has been a surge in downloads of the song, which has been appropriated by the former prime minister s critics since her death on Monday, aged 87.
It is said that they can even bend reality to their will, altering the course of events and shaping the destiny of individuals and organizations. However, it is important to note that the existence of black magic and the Dragon Company's involvement in it is highly speculative and lacks concrete evidence. Many dismiss these claims as mere folklore or baseless conspiracy theories.
Dung dong the wotch is dead
As promised (and you people assumed I was being flippant), this is the second part of the Dresden Codak review. Much to my dismay, we have utterly failed at keeping to Aaron Diaz's business model: as little as we tried to update, he still managed to update even less. We are shamed by such a master of procrastination and ineptitude.
But enough about that. Last time we may have ripped on Diaz's shitty business depending wholesale on pathetic, horny nerds (not an unsafe gamble, just a very repugnant one) - this time we'll be beating the shit out of his lackluster and morbidly dire storytelling abilities. That is, the abilities he doesn't have and probably never will. Cue a mighty wailing and gnashing of teeth from his whale-sized fantards, I reckon, but it's sadly true.
An aside, for a moment: in the world of published books, there have been some works of fiction put to print that should never have seen the light of day. Some publisher, somewhere, had looked over the entire body of text and deemed it worthy of the expense of being printed by the thousand. Now, consider that if it is possible for a system that was inherently designed to stop stupid shit getting published to make mistakes, the publisherless medium of the Internet must be FULL OF THE WORST CRAP TO EVER EXIST .
And so we have webcomics. For every talented creator who simply does not wish to submit themselves to the harrying experience of Getting Actually Published™ - and I speak from experience that the constant back-and-forth with publishers can often be as entertaining and pleasant as shitting broken glass non-stop for eight weeks - we have ten thousand who know, deep down, perhaps even subconsciously , that they are so bad that even the brain-dead publishers would turn them away. Aaron Diaz seems to be one of them.
Make no mistake, his pictures are pretty enough. He's mastered not only perspective and proportion (though a little more orthodoxy in panel/word balloon placement may not hurt), but how to draw a crackin' fine pair of nerd girl boobs. Hence the pandering, as explained earlier.
Diaz's forté as a writer, though, lies in his earlier, nerdier strips. The ones like this one. Not particularly original or smart, but harmless enough to make you crack a smile every now and again. You know the type - the type that he's said he's never, ever going to do again because his latest storyline ("Hob") is going so well . Y'know, when it's not sucking.
While I'm sure Diaz is liking the sophisticated and educated level of feedback as taken from his own forums - "Wow, amazing as always." "Also, how do you get to be so consistently kickass? Is it the hat?" "DC is so crazy I can't foresee what will happen next." - I think he may prefer some observations made by someone who possesses writing talent. Namely me, since I don't see anyone else with the appropriate qualifications willing to give it a go.
I doubt he will actually like what I have to say, since he's devolving into the kind of Internet artist who no longer despairs over not improving on a fucking Fibonacci curve and instead considers themselves "good enough" for whatever it is they do (and thus stagnate and turn into a Buckley), but tough shit. Like it or not, I'm going to explain why Dresden Codak 's story is pretty much balls. Those of you who are just going to tell me that I'm untalented, jealous, wrong and also a big faggot can post your comments now. It'll add to the entertainment value of the update for those who actually pay attention to how big and clever I am, and I doubt you'll actually pay attention to anything I have to say, you ignorant cunts.
Since "Hob" is the "new" Dresden Codak and we'll be getting no more funnies out of Diaz (again, seriously, he said that - give up hope), we'll start with page one of that.
Immediate plus points: showing, not telling. There's no narration to hammer in what you're supposed to be seeing, unlike some webcomics. Coupled with page two, this gives us a gentle lead-in to what will turn out to be a disappointing story. And what makes it disappointed? Page three.
Here's the thing about characters in a work of fiction: they're people. They might be people people, robot people or even. occasionally. anthropomorphic animal people. The point is, they're well-rounded individuals with depth. Why do writers (well, good writers) make their characters this way? Because firstly, it's easier to write them.
"Woah there!" I hear a vast section of the Internet cry out, looking up from their Zutara fanfics. "You're wrong! Writing well-rounded characters with depth is hard! "
Oh, but of course it is for you, because you're lazy and you don't know a fucking thing. If you're competent, then you don't have to sit and think "What will my stupid character do next?" What they'll do next is obvious , because you know their personality like it's your own, or at least a close sibling whose mind you can read. So rather than sweat out the decisions, the prose flows from your fingertips like it has a life of its own. Every quirk and mannerism becomes second nature - they might click their fingers while thinking, or play with their hair when flirting. Whatever. You, as an author, know this person.
Kimiko "Thunderbolt" Ross is an optical illusion, however. Whatever image of depth you perceive, you perceive wrong. The main character of Dresden Codak is as flat and as tiresomely predictable as Kansas. What you see here on page three is her entire character laid out before you, to be judged like a fucking piece of meat. Which is all she is, in a literary sense.
Point one: Kimiko is obsessed with the nerdsterbation topic of transhumanism, assuming that for some reason people gotta bone robots to be better people. Perhaps a common topic amongst people with low-to-zero self esteem, but as someone who understands that humanity is fucking rad I don't see it. Powered flight to space travel in sixty years, and without robot brains thank you very much.
Point two: Kimiko is a girl, and a girly girl with girly boobs and girly parts. This is made painfully obvious later, but it's personified in page three - ironically enough. (If you don't get that joke, you're too damn foreign and I won't have you readin' this blog.) Kimiko's girlness exists for the audience (and author) to get big wobbly nerdboners over. Much in the same way that Questionable "T-shirt factory" Content works, except Jeff Jacks is at least savvy enough to have multiple flavours of female to accommodate the fact that readers have differing tastes.
Point three: Kimiko is Aspergin' like fuck. Can't talk to people without fucking up, struggles to answer simple questions with simple answers, can't rationalise with basic human empathy, is a fucking fruitcake. Show your average Internet nerd a woman that crazy and they'll be going "MAI WAIFU" and composing Japanese sonnets in her honour before you can duck behind a concrete wall for safety.
That's her character.
There's some shit about her dad being rich and her mother being dead, I guess, but that's not characterisation. Just having your parents rich/dead doesn't make you a deeper character. It might make you Batman, I suppose. No, the characterisation comes from how you feel . Which even Batman has, even if it's entirely dependent on the current writer as to how he feels.
So how does Kimiko feel? Please let me know, because I can't tell. She shows a little anger, once, and sometimes cries and blushes but boy howdy that's not very specific. I am not a cold-hearted machine, I can empathise, but not when there's nothing to empathise with . Kimiko "Japan is so cool " Ross has yet to progress beyond a cute face that spits out technobabble and exposition. In the mean time, she'll remain exactly what she is: a Mary Sue. Apart from the "crazy as a fucking loon" thing, she's got no flaws - except if you count "oh she just needs a nice guy for a boyfriend. a nice guy like me!" Which we don't.
The one point where I held out hope for some ambiguity - the part where she smashes an old guy's head with a fucking rock - no. Turns out she was right all along, and they were pure evil, and the old guy didn't get brain damage and die.
Seriously, Diaz, what Hollywood shit have you been watching where a fucking rock to the head just makes someone be fine except for a little bleeding no more than two minutes later? Did you see the size of that fucking rock? Well, yes, you drew it, but seriously.
All right, enough rock tangent, let's get back to the point of explaining why this story is bad - as if "the main character is a shitty Mary Sue" isn't enough. (It is.)
Digest this chunk of information: every literary medium is viewed by its audience in a different way. In case you don't know what that means, what it means is that a movie is not a book. If you understand that simple concept (and I don't hold out much hope) we'll move on from there. There are various things that can happen in the text of a book which cannot be effectively translated to the medium of film . The opposite is also true. What this means is that when creating for a medium, you should embrace its nature and write specifically for it.
Not if you're doing a comic, anyway. Now, I am not against text in general. Considering my job, which contrary to popular belief is not updating this blog or journalism of any kind, I'd be an idiot if I flew into a rage every time I looked at a block of text. When all you're doing is writing text, there's little else you can do except write text. No, what I am against is ugly text . In webcomics this boils down to not being able to structure your dialogue and pacing and just going "fuck it, INFO DUMP ".
Writing isn't just about creating a story that's intelligent, engaging and emotive. It's about doing that with style . Having a John Galt speech of exposition sandwiched between illustrations because you can't be bothered to decompress the scene is the sign of being an incompetent writer. Fuck, Diaz, if you'd divided that up into some smaller text boxes and made a new page for it, it probably would have been fine. But no, you went for the ugly text. You went for the cheap way out.
A webcomic doesn't have to be like Dominic Deegan or Ctrl+Alt+Del in order to be bad. Dresden Codak may have nice pretty pictures (and nice pretty nerdboobs) for the masses to ogle over, but its writing is lackluster. But you, the audience, cannot tell. Because of the publisherless status of the Internet, you have come to accept the unpublishable as acceptable. Like burn victims who've lost all their nerve endings, or Americans who can't taste fructose, you simply lack the capability to discern shit.
Which is why people like me exist, to be elitist bastards who stomp all over everything people create - because it's shit and we want you to know it. I know I tend to get a bit melancholy toward the end of reviews, but it's probably because I'm trying to think of a way to sum up a great big ol' review that people are going to ignore. Chief among this legion of hear-no-evil stooges tends to be the people who could actually do with understanding that if you are trying to create art, you do not give up .
Diaz, your pretty pictures of nerdbutt and nerdboob (and robots, occasionally) have led me to believe that once upon a time you were a young lad who struggled to understand horizon lines. Do you not remember those early days, when you drew over and over to perfect matters? Do you remember studying up on techniques to make your drawings better? Did you get inspiration from other sources?
Writing is also art, Diaz, despite what you and the majority of the webcomics world might think. You can't just wing it and then get indignant when someone tells you it's shit, because it is shit. To write well you have to devote just as much time and effort as you did in learning to draw, it's not something that comes "naturally". Again, a vast section of the Internet is looking up from their Zutara fanfics, but Goddamnit it's true.
Diaz, if you persist in this pathetic excuse for a story, start putting those weeks between updates to good use. Go find some books about writing and read them. Pay attention to what I say (for I am wise) when I cuss out your Kimiko for being a flat character. Hell, just practice and ask for honest, harsh criticism . If you don't, you're as bad as Tim Buckley (except for the showing your dong to underage girls thing).
The Official Charts Company said the song, credited to Judy Garland, had been bought more than 10,600 times by midnight on Tuesday.
Skeptics argue that the alleged powers and abilities attributed to the Dragon Company are nothing more than elaborate tales spun to create a sense of fear and intrigue. Nonetheless, the legends surrounding the Dragon Company persist, and their alleged involvement in black magic continues to capture the imagination of curious minds. Tales of individuals who have crossed paths with the Dragon Company often speak of dark rituals, paranormal encounters, and unexplained phenomena. These stories have only fueled the speculation and fascination surrounding the organization's supposed black magic practices. In conclusion, the concept of the Dragon Company dabbling in the black magic arts has become deeply ingrained in popular culture, inspiring various works of fiction and serving as a subject of speculation and intrigue. Whether or not there is any truth to these claims remains a mystery, but the allure of the black magic of the Dragon Company continues to capture the imagination of those who dare to delve into the realms of the unknown..
Reviews for "Unleashing the Dark Side: Dragon Company's Black Magic Demystified"
1. Jane - 1 star
I found "Black Magic of the Dragon Company" to be a complete letdown. The storyline was convoluted and hard to follow, with a haphazard mix of fantasy and sci-fi elements that didn't blend well together. The characters lacked depth and development, making it difficult to connect or sympathize with any of them. The writing itself was also quite mediocre, with numerous grammatical errors and a lackluster prose style. Overall, I couldn't wait for this book to be over and wouldn't recommend it to anyone.
2. Mark - 2 stars
I had high hopes for "Black Magic of the Dragon Company" after reading positive reviews, but unfortunately, it didn't live up to the hype. The pacing of the story was incredibly slow, making it a challenge to stay engaged and interested. The plot was predictable, and it felt like the author relied too heavily on clichés and worn-out tropes. Additionally, the world-building was lacking, leaving me with a vague sense of the setting and its rules. While the concept had potential, the execution fell short, and I was left disappointed by this novel.
3. Sarah - 2 stars
"Black Magic of the Dragon Company" was a disappointment in more ways than one. The characters felt shallow and one-dimensional, lacking any real personality or growth throughout the story. The dialogue was cringe-worthy and unrealistic, making it hard to take any of the interactions seriously. The author's attempt at humor fell flat, and the comedic relief often felt forced. The writing style was mediocre, with clunky sentences and a lack of descriptive language. Overall, this book failed to capture my attention and left me feeling unsatisfied as a reader.