Once upon a time in a small village, there was a witch referred to as Elenore. Elenore was known for her exceptional spinning skills, as she had the ability to spin any material into the finest threads. Her spinning wheel was the source of envy for all the villagers, as it seemed to possess a mysterious quality. Elenore would spend most of her days in her cottage, spinning away with a determination that was unmatched. The villagers often speculated about her intentions and the purpose behind her spinning. Some believed that she was weaving spells into the threads, while others thought she was trying to create the strongest garment.
Some believed that she was weaving spells into the threads, while others thought she was trying to create the strongest garment. Despite the curiosity and apprehension surrounding Elenore's spinning, the villagers could not deny the beauty of her creations. The threads produced were so delicate and silky that they seemed to shimmer in the sunlight.
Excerpts from Lana Del Rey’s Upcoming Book of Spells
The Lust For Life songstress' guide to summoning Stevie Nicks & time traveling to 1969.
July 25 2017 3:11 PM EST July 24 2017 11:11 PM ESTIt's no secret that Lana Del Rey participates in casual witchcraft, and has even joined the Wiccan community in binding Donald Trump from doing no harm while in the White House. The Lust For Life songstress has decided to take her hobby one step further by including a collection of her own spells and hexes in an upcoming book of spells, and we at OUT were lucky enough to procure some excerpts:
To Call Forth a Hot Dad in a Vintage Marlboro T-Shirt
This is actually a very rudimentary ritual. Simply form a pentagram in your living room and put an empty 25 fl. oz. can of Budweiser at the end of each point. Once you've done that, sit down in the middle of the pentagram and chant literally any lyric from my current album, Lust for Life, until someone's cool Uncle Steve appears in front of you and whisks you off your feet.
How to time travel to 1969
During the next solar eclipse, drive to the nearest abandoned drive-in movie theater. Stand in the middle of the field and gently run your fingers through the fringe of a shirt you're wearing and whisper the lyrics to Janis Joplin's "Me and Bobby McGee." To return to your time, simply run your fingers through the fringe of your shirt in the opposite direction and whisper the lyrics to "Me and Bobby McGee" backwards.
Conjuring a tattoo in handwritten cursive on the side of your hand
Why pay money at a tattoo parlor when you can just conjure your own tattoos? First, write down what you would like to have tattooed on the side of your hand on a piece of rolling paper. Then fold it up four times and stick it behind your ear. Once you've done that, use your mortar and pestle to crush and grind up a pack of American Spirit cigarettes. Smear the ashes on the side of your hand and slowly wipe them off from left to right by using the bristles of a wooden hair brush. You'll find yourself freshly inked without the needle and the dent in your wallet.
To hex an ex
Cry exactly three tears into a shotglass. Then go outside and throw the dirtier shoe of your oldest pair of Converse at a waning crescent moon as hard as you can while shouting the name of your ex.
How to possess an assistant manager at Urban Outfitters
This spell is not for the novice: this one takes a bit more experience, skill and precision. This spell requires three specific items: first, you must obtain a lock of Ed Sheeran's hair. Then, you must obtain a pair of old sneakers tied to a power line. Lastly, take the stems of seven cherries and cross them with seven candle wicks. Find a motel in the midwest somewhere that advertises its name in neon and get a room for the night. Put all of these objects in the tub and fill it with PBR. Stand in the bathtub and start slowly swaying counter-clockwise to Purity Ring's "Fineshrine" ("Sweater Weather" by The Neighborhood will also do). Keep swaying until you feel yourself slowly possessing the body of the nearest guy named Aryn who's the assistant manager of the local Urban Outfitters.
Summoning Stevie Nicks
Just stick a Rumours vinyl under your pillow during the next full moon.
Why pay money at a tattoo parlor when you can just conjure your own tattoos? First, write down what you would like to have tattooed on the side of your hand on a piece of rolling paper. Then fold it up four times and stick it behind your ear. Once you've done that, use your mortar and pestle to crush and grind up a pack of American Spirit cigarettes. Smear the ashes on the side of your hand and slowly wipe them off from left to right by using the bristles of a wooden hair brush. You'll find yourself freshly inked without the needle and the dent in your wallet.
Many would come from far and wide to purchase her hand-spun materials, using them to create luxurious garments fit for royalty. However, Elenore's spinning wheel held a secret; it possessed an ancient power. Legend had it that the spinning wheel was charmed by a benevolent spirit, granting it the ability to transform any material into the finest threads. Elenore had stumbled upon this enchanted spinning wheel many years ago and had since dedicated her life to mastering its powers. One stormy night, as the rain poured heavily outside, the villagers heard a loud crash coming from Elenore's cottage. Concerned, they rushed to her aid, only to find her spinning wheel shattered into pieces. Elenore sat amidst the wreckage, tears streaming down her face. With a heavy heart, Elenore confessed that she had become too reliant on the spinning wheel's power, neglecting her own spinning abilities. The villagers, moved by her sincerity, offered their support to help her rebuild the spinning wheel. In the days that followed, Elenore learned a valuable lesson about the true essence of spinning. Spinning was not merely about turning materials into threads or creating magical spells. It was an art form, a craft that required patience, dedication, and a deep connection with the fibers. As Elenore began to spin again, this time not relying on the enchanted wheel, she discovered a new level of mastery within herself. Her threads became even more ethereal, evoking a sense of awe from anyone who beheld them. Elenore realized that the true magic of spinning came from within, from the passion and love she poured into every strand. From that day forward, Elenore became not only a skilled spinner but also a revered teacher. She shared her knowledge and techniques with the villagers, inspiring them to explore their own spinning abilities. They would gather on quiet afternoons, sitting in a circle, their spinning wheels whirring in harmony, as they would learn from their wise witch. And so, the witch continued spinning, not solely with the aid of a charmed wheel but also with the intangible magic that resided within her. The villagers, no longer fearful or envious, admired her for the strength she possessed and for the beauty she created with her hands. Elenore had found her true purpose, and in doing so, she had woven a thread of unity and understanding among her community..
Reviews for "The Spellbinding Textiles of the Witch: Unveiling the Artistry"
1. Megan - 2/5 - I was really disappointed with "The witch is spinning". The plot felt disjointed and confusing, with several subplots that didn't seem to connect or make sense. The characters were also underdeveloped, and I struggled to feel any connection to them. The writing style was also lackluster, with awkward dialogue and repetitive descriptions. Overall, I found this book to be a letdown and would not recommend it.
2. Brian - 1/5 - "The witch is spinning" was a complete waste of time for me. The story was slow-paced and dragged on, with little to no suspense or excitement. The protagonist was unlikable and lacked any depth or complexity. The writing was mediocre at best, with numerous grammatical errors and a lack of editing. Overall, I found this book to be boring and poorly executed.
3. Emily - 2/5 - I had high hopes for "The witch is spinning", but unfortunately, it fell flat for me. The plot was predictable and lacked originality, following a formulaic storyline that I've seen many times before. The characters were one-dimensional and lacked depth, making it difficult to become invested in their journey. The writing style was bland and lacked any unique voice. Overall, I was disappointed with this book and would not recommend it to others.
4. Jake - 2/5 - "The witch is spinning" didn't live up to the hype for me. The story was confusing and felt rushed, with numerous plot holes that were left unresolved. The characters were forgettable and lacked any real development. Additionally, the dialogue was awkward and unnatural, making it difficult to fully immerse myself in the story. Overall, I was left unsatisfied by this book and would not recommend it.
5. Sarah - 3/5 - While "The witch is spinning" had its moments, overall, I found it to be underwhelming. The plot was interesting, but it lacked cohesiveness and direction. The pacing was also inconsistent, with some parts dragging on while others felt rushed. The characters had potential, but they were poorly developed and lacked depth. While the writing style was decent, there were several grammatical errors that were distracting. Overall, I expected more from this book and was left feeling disappointed.