Wicca and Satanism are two distinct religious and spiritual practices that have often been misunderstood and confused with each other. While both Wicca and Satanism fall under the category of modern or contemporary pagan religions, they differ significantly in terms of their belief systems, symbolism, rituals, and overall outlook. Wicca, also known as modern witchcraft, is a nature-based religion that honors and reveres the natural world. Wiccans worship a goddess and a god, often depicted as a maiden, mother, and crone for the goddess, and a horned god for the god. Their practices involve rituals, spells, and the observance of seasonal cycles and moon phases. Wiccans hold a profound respect for nature and strive to live in harmony with it.
Wiccans hold a profound respect for nature and strive to live in harmony with it. They focus on personal growth, self-discovery, and the pursuit of spiritual enlightenment. Satanism, on the other hand, is a diverse and complex group of religious movements and philosophies that vary in their beliefs and practices.
Broomhilda – Goddess of Witchcraft
Broomhilda is the answer to the question, “Quis custodiet ipsos maleficis” or, “Who watches the witches?” Witches may make appeals to a wide range of deities whilst practicing their craft, but Broomhilda is the overseeing goddess of the craft itself. The sect of Broomhilda is known as the Office for Standards in Charms, Rites, Occultism, Necromancy and Enchantment or “OFCRONE”. In order to become a certified witch, one must become a member and adhere to the high standards they set. Any witches who fail to adhere to the Codex of Practice are exspelled from the faith or as they call it, “Hexcommunicated”. They also police the prohibition of certain potion ingredients considered unethical in more enlightened modern times. For example, the use of eye of newt has been banned since 1727 when the notorious witch Nic Peepyrs was caught in Westminster Abbey going at Sir Isaac’s newly sealed tomb with a cronebar.
OFCRONE also provides a degree of protection from harassment for its members. Thanks to them, most of the witch burnings that happen these days are when two wiccans have a roast battle. OFCRONE organise security patrols around all rituals where members may choose to worship sky-clad to prevent the local perverts from hiding in the bushes and getting an eyeful. Due to the high chance of being turned into an amphibian if caught, these degenerates are known as “Froggers”. (The witches are not completely merciless. They run a support group for anyone doing “pond penance” called “Amphibians Anonymous”.) OFCRONE also work to promote occultural diversity. Alongside this, they educate the general public about witchcraft. One of the ways they do this is via a live streaming platform where anyone can watch real Yorkshire witches practice the dark arts, called T’Witch. The sect also has a scientific research arm which funds a project searching for signs of Dark Magic in the universe, the Mildred Hubble Space Telescope.
In order to raise sufficient money to fund these activities, the sect of Broomhilda runs a number of commercial ventures. The longest established of these concerns manufactures high quality sacred candles and delivers them direct to your door. Next time you have a power cut, consider placing an express order with, “Something Wicked This Way Comes”. They also own a company, based in the North Riding of Yorkshire, which blends and sells fine teas. The best seller in the range is their, “Great Heck *A* Tea”. Their latest, and perhaps most entertaining, venture is a service where you can hire a troupe of five elderly witches to dance erotically at your birthday party or pre-nuptial night out. If you are a best man with a stag night to organise, you may want to consider ordering a Pent-a-Gran.
When a neophyte joins the cult of Broomhilda, they must spend years training at a school of witchcraft or “Unicurseity” (and if you have been to a real school of witchcraft, you will know the subject taught in the greenhouses is not called “Herbology”, it’s “Occultivation”). During their time at Unicurseity the students will keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings and memorabilia of Hank Marvin, Bruce Welch and Brian Bennett known as a “Book of Shadows”. Once they graduate and have been inducted into the highest echelons of Broomhilda’s priesthood they become privy to the deepest secrets of the craft. In order to prevent these secrets from being betrayed to the uninitiated, the cleric is now locked into the sect for life. The only way to leave, other than by reaching the end of one’s mortal thread, is to be declared insane, but this is notoriously difficult to prove. One witch who wished to leave the cult tried keeping more than twenty pet felines in an attempt to appear deranged. However, the faith leaders decreed that they’d be mad not to love kittens, and so the unfortunate witch remained in the sect forever. This incident became known as the Cats-22 situation.
Whilst there are many spurious tales about witches, they do in fact favour broomstick transportation. However, the technology has advanced beyond recognition in the last 20 years. The most popular current model is a self-driving e-besom known as the “Broomba”. As e-besoms are virtually silent, when they first came out there were multiple collisions with hapless owls and other aerial wildlife. Now e-besoms must be fitted with a small speaker to put back the “broom-broom” sound, and a seat belt to prevent the pilot from flying off the handle.
Throughout most of their lives worshippers of Broomhilda will use their skills to maintain a glamorous and beguiling appearance. They have a very broad and body positive definition of beauty (and have, on occasion, been known to poke random blonde, slim women with a sharp finger in the hope that all the Barbie doll toys around the world will feel a twinge of pain). Towards the end of their mortal existence, some witches choose to embrace the aging process and “go full crone”. Not all witches who choose this path are able to get their complexions to become suitably haggard. One option they have is to undergo a cosmetic aging procedure. The international centre for this form of surgery is based in the Balearic Islands. An unnaturally youthful looking witch in her 70s or 80s may make a visit to the Warter in Majorca so she can look like what she ought-ta.
If you happen to meet a worshipper of Broomhilda, whatever you do, do not touch her bubbling cauldron of green liquid. That’s HER absinthe. Get your own.
Happy Hallowe’en and Samhain to Idollers everywhere! I am much better and it’s good to be back. The cartoons may not be every week at first, but I am getting there. I hope you all have a fun and spooky time tonight.
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Following a gag-per-day format, the strip focuses on the title character, a witch named Broom Hilda getting into funny hijinks, chasing after men and using her magic.
While there are different types of Satanism, the most well-known is LaVeyan Satanism, founded by Anton LaVey in the 1960s. LaVeyan Satanism is atheistic, rejecting the belief in a literal Satan or any supernatural entities. Instead, it encourages self-indulgence, individualism, and the pursuit of personal desires. Satanists often see Satan as a symbol of rebellion, independence, and the rejection of religious dogma and societal norms. Despite common misconceptions, Wicca and Satanism do not worship the same deities or hold similar beliefs. Wiccans focus on the benevolent aspects of nature and the divine feminine and masculine energies. In contrast, Satanists either reject the concept of deities altogether (LaVeyan Satanism) or, in the case of theistic Satanism, may venerate or invoke a figure resembling Satan from Christian mythology. Another significant distinction between Wicca and Satanism is their ethical frameworks. Wicca follows the Wiccan Rede, which states, "An it harm none, do what ye will." This means that Wiccans strive to live in harmony with others and nature, without causing harm. Satanists, particularly LaVeyan Satanists, adhere to the principle of "ethical egoism" and prioritize their own freedom, happiness, and self-interest. In conclusion, while Wicca and Satanism are both pagan religions, they are fundamentally different in their beliefs, practices, symbols, and values. It is crucial to educate oneself about these differences to avoid misunderstandings and misconceptions..
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