The Curse of the Pink Panties is a 2007 American mystery-comedy film written and directed by Kirk Bowman. The film follows the story of a detective named Jack "J.J." Johnson who is investigating a murder in a small town. The film begins with the discovery of a dead body wearing a pair of pink panties. As the investigation unfolds, it becomes clear that the pink panties are more than just a piece of evidence - they are cursed.

The Magic Tablecloth

Today I’d like to talk a bit about the skatert’ samobranka (Скатерть-самобранка), a magical object found in Russian Wondertales. In English, it is usually called “magic tablecloth” or “self-spreading tablecloth”.

Basically, it is a special tablecloth that you spread out, either on a table or on the ground, and it sets itself with a multitude of food and drink. When you’re finished eating, you simply fold it back up again, and all the food and drink vanishes until the next time.

In some tales, the tablecloth automatically sets itself with a wide variety of food and drink as soon as you open it. In others, you have to say certain words, like “Spread!”, to make the food appear, and “Finish!” to make it disappear. In other tales, you can ask the tablecloth for the specific foods that you want at the time, and it will give them to you.

In one tale, called “The Magic Tablecloth”, an old elderly couple is starving. The old woman sets out to find food. She comes upon a little table on the steppe, and decides it must be there for a reason, so she hides under it to see what will happen. A little later, three doves fly up, spread a white cloth on the table, and say in succession: “Wettit!”, “Thicken!”, “Sufficient!”. A meal of shchi (cabbage soup) and kasha (buckwheat porridge) appears, and the doves fly away. The old woman takes the tablecloth home, and all is well for a while, until one day her husband decides to try to use the tablecloth. He says “Wettit!” not once, but many times, because he can’t remember the other words. So, the soup and porridge never stop flowing! The old woman comes in and sees the ever growing mess and shouts out “Thicken!”, but she cannot remember the last word either, so it keeps growing! In the end, they finally get it to stop, but it takes them three years to eat through all of it so that they can get to each other again. Among the tales I read while researching the magic tablecloth, this one was quite unique.

Another tale in which the hero receives the tablecloth from an animal is “The Horse, the Tablecloth, and the Horn”. In this story a fool, the son of an old (and presumably widowed) woman, plants some peas. He discovers a crane eating the peas, becomes very angry, and wants to kill her. But the crane pleads for her life, and offers him the magic tablecloth in exchange.

This Soviet diafilm (filmstrip) from 1967 tells another story of an old man who frees a crane from his fishing net. She invites him to her home in the swamp and gifts him with magical objects, including a skatert‘ samobranka, which he, rather unwisely, shows off to some me friends on his way home. Of course, they steal these objects from him, but in the end he gets them back – with the help of one last magical object from the crane….

And this is a shorter cartoon version of the same story:

In “The Stolen Turnips, the Magic Tablecloth, the Sneezing Goat, and the Wooden Whistle”, an old man ventures into the forest to find out who was stealing his wife’s turnips. He comes upon a little hut in the forest, and meets the strange children who dwell there. They are the culprits, but they give him the magic tablecloth in exchange for the turnips they stole. To use the tablecloth in this story, you spread it out on the table and tell it to turn inside out. It will jump into the air and twist itself around, and when it resettles on the table, it will be full of food and drink. To clean up afterwards, you tell it to turn inside out again. The process will be repeated, but all the food and dishes will disappear. You can read this story in its entirety on Sur La Lune.

I noticed two other variations that occurred multiple times in the stories I read. One is that the magic tablecloth appears with other magical objects, most often the flying carpet and self-walking boots, or the cap of invisibility. When this occurs, it seems that the protagonist obtains the tablecloth, and the other objects in a similar manner as well, which brings us to the second variation. In this case, the protagonist generally comes upon two or three men, or two leshii (forest spirits), in the forest. They are in possession of the magical objects, and are arguing over who gets them. They ask the protagonist to help settle the matter. He sends them off to compete at something, generally making them run in opposite directions, and while they are gone, he steals the objects and escapes – either by riding off on the flying carpet, or by putting on the cap of invisibility.

One other variation I encountered is this: the protagonist receives the magic tablecloth as a reward for setting either a magical man, or a leshii, who was being held prisoner, free. In the case of the magical man, the protagonist is rewarded with the tablecloth, as well as other gifts, such as super strength. In the leshii version, the leshii’s daughter actually chooses the tablecloth as a gift.

There is another aspect of the magic tablecloth that I would like to bring up. I have seen it mentioned several times during my research, mostly on various websites, but I didn’t run across it any of the stories I read. Many people say that the tablecloth must be respected and well cared for. If it is not treated well, it will serve rotten food. If it is torn and not mended, it can lose its magic. I also read of one instance where the tablecloth serves the food on dishes made of silver. If all the pieces are not returned to the tablecloth when you’re done eating (if, for instance, you get a bit greedy, and decide to keep that silver goblet for yourself!), it will serve you rotten food until you give the missing pieces back. As I said, I cannot find any mention of these aspects in any of the stories I read. So, if you know of a story, or a reliable resource that mentions any of these things, please do let me know, I’d love to be able to verify this information!

So, that is what I’ve learned about the magic tablecloth from folktales. But we can learn a little more about it by turning to etymology, history and folk culture. Let’s look at the etymology first.

The word skatert’ (скатерть) simply means “tablecloth”. The word samobranka (самобранка) is made up of two words, sam (сам), which means “self”, and bran (бран) from the verb brat’ (брать) which means “to take”. Samobranka can be translated literally as “self-gather”, and probably refers to the fact that the tablecloth cleans up after itself when you’re finished eating – it literally gathers all the food and dishes back to itself. But, bran could also have another meaning. In olden times, it was used to refer to a type of patterned fabric, and the method with which it was made. There are even old writings which refer to “tables of oak” with “tablecloths of bran” upon them. So, this term could also refer to a particular type of decorative tablecloth that was handwoven and embroidered in a specific way. It was probably very expensive and labor-intensive to produce. Given that, I would imagine that it would’ve been used for special occasions, and likely would only have been owned by someone who was rather well to do. This also fits in with the historical notion that a tablecloth of any kind was a symbol of prosperity, but a bare table was a symbol of poverty.

Many scholars believe that the magic tablecloth motif (and that of other magical objects as well) originated in Slavic pagan folklore. These motifs probably stuck around for so long because, let’s face it, life is hard, and it was even harder for our ancestors in many ways. These objects would’ve made life infinitely easier, and who wouldn’t want that?

There is one side of the magic tablecloth, though, that might not be seen as quite so wonderful. Many believe that it is somehow connected to the realm of the dead. In Russia, particularly for peasants, life was full of many hardships, and very little rest. In fact, they used to say that they couldn’t rest or escape hardships until they were dead. In the afterlife, it was believed that they could finally rest, and never be in need of anything, including food. It’s easy to see, then, how a tablecloth that can give you anything you want to eat, any time you want it, and as much as you want, could be construed as something from the afterlife. In light of these beliefs, one has to wonder if the protagonists of the folktales who found/received/took the skatert‘ samobranka hadn’t somehow passed into the realm of the dead…

There is one more reference to the skatert’ samobranka that I would like to bring to your attention, this time a literary one. Nikolai Nekrasov wrote a four part epic poem called “Who is Happy in Russia?” (Кому на Руси жить хорошо?). It was published from 1869 to 1877, but remains unfinished due to the author’s death from cancer in 1878. The poem follows seven peasants who go on a journey across all the Russian lands to find just one truly happy person. Ultimately, they are disappointed. This poem is heavily influenced by Russian folklore, however, and one episode in particular features the self-spreading tablecloth. One of the peasants found a baby bird, and was lamenting how the bird is more free than they are. They were saddened by their lack of freedom and food. The mother bird is flying above, and hears all of this. She tells them that if they will release her baby, she knows where they can find a magic casket, and inside is a magical white napkin that will serve them. Not only will this napkin give them food and drink, it will mend, wash and dry their clothes too! The peasants release the baby bird, follow the mother bird’s directions, and really do find the casket with the magical napkin inside. The magic tablecloth is found in the prologue, and you can read or download the entire poem for free on Archive.org.

And finally, I’ll leave you with a clip from the 1956 film “Ilya Muromets”, in which Ilya’s love, Vasilisa (played by Ninel Myshkova), weaves a skatert’ samobranka:

Tablecloth Whip-off Trick

As the investigation unfolds, it becomes clear that the pink panties are more than just a piece of evidence - they are cursed. Throughout the film, various characters are affected by the curse of the pink panties. Some characters become obsessed with finding the panties, believing that they hold the key to their own personal happiness or success.

Whipping the tablecloth out from under the dishes is a classic science demonstration that's worth your time to master

The classic whip-off the tablecloth trick is a must for any aspiring science demonstrator. It’s guaranteed to either bring down the house or to get you into a lot of hot water. The idea is really quite simple – yank the tablecloth out from under a beautiful place setting without destroying the meal (or the place setting). It’s easy if you take a science lesson from Sir Isaac Newton.

Others are plagued by bad luck and misfortune as a direct result of their association with the panties. As the mystery unravels, it is revealed that the curse of the pink panties is a result of a voodoo spell placed on them by a scorned lover. The curse can only be lifted by finding the true owner of the panties and making amends. The Curse of the Pink Panties is a light-hearted and comedic take on the murder mystery genre. It combines elements of comedy, mystery, and even romance to create a unique and entertaining story. Despite its somewhat ridiculous premise, the film manages to keep the audience engaged and entertained throughout. Overall, The Curse of the Pink Panties is an enjoyable and quirky film that offers a fresh take on the murder mystery genre. It's a film that doesn't take itself too seriously, and instead focuses on providing laughs and entertainment. For those looking for a lighthearted and fun movie, The Curse of the Pink Panties is a great choice..

Reviews for "The Pink Panties Curse: An Ominous Presence in the Night"

1. John - 2 stars - I found "Curse of the Pink Pynties" to be quite disappointing. The storyline seemed interesting at first, but it quickly became convoluted and hard to follow. The characters were not well-developed, and their actions did not make sense at times. The pacing was inconsistent, with some parts dragging on unnecessarily while others felt rushed. Overall, I did not find this book enjoyable and would not recommend it.

2. Sarah - 1 star - I had high hopes for "Curse of the Pink Pynties," but it completely fell flat for me. The writing was lackluster, with repetitive phrases and awkward dialogue. The plot was predictable and lacked any real suspense or surprises. I also found the characters to be shallow and uninteresting. I struggled to stay engaged throughout the book and was ultimately left feeling underwhelmed and unsatisfied.

3. Michael - 2 stars - "Curse of the Pink Pynties" was a letdown for me. The concept had potential, but the execution was lacking. The pacing was slow, making it difficult to maintain interest. The storytelling felt disjointed, with unnecessary tangents that didn't contribute much to the overall plot. Additionally, the writing style was not very engaging, and the characters lacked depth. I was hoping for a thrilling and captivating read, but this book fell short of my expectations.

4. Emily - 3 stars - While "Curse of the Pink Pynties" wasn't terrible, it didn't impress me either. The plot had potential, but it felt predictable and lacked originality. The characters were mediocre, and their motivations often seemed unrealistic. The writing style was average, and I didn't find myself particularly drawn into the story. Overall, it was an okay read, but I wouldn't consider it a standout in the genre.

Beware the Curse of the Pink Panties: A Warning to All