The three magic words In our daily interactions with people, we often underestimate the power of simple words. However, there are three words that have the ability to transform relationships, build trust, and create a positive environment: please, thank you, and sorry. The word "please" is an essential part of polite communication. When we use it, we are showing respect to others and acknowledging their worth. By using "please," we are not demanding but instead making a polite request, which can make a significant difference in how others perceive us. It is a small word that can go a long way in building strong relationships and fostering a sense of collaboration.
Our Mission Statement
Our first experience with Wiccan ritual and our debriefing session on the way home left one of the authors feeling hesitant about pursuing the research, while the other felt the group provided a fascinating setting to explore sociologically. unsanitized by Christian tradition The Maiden and the Mother were adopted, sterilized, and rendered impotent The Crone was diabolized and survived with her powers intact.
It is a small word that can go a long way in building strong relationships and fostering a sense of collaboration. The word "thank you" is another magical phrase that carries immense power. Expressing gratitude is an effective way to acknowledge someone's effort, kindness, or contribution.
Into the Darkness
The coven we call the Circle of the Redwood Moon (3) was composed of seven core members during the period of our research. The seven included three women defined as Priestesses, one Initiate, and three Apprentices. (4) The women ranged in age from 28 to 48 and came from working class and lower middle class backgrounds. They came to witchcraft at widely different ages - one in her early teens and the latest in her 40s. They came from a variety of Western religions. Yet a common thread was that all but one can be classified as a spiritual "seeker" (see Lofland and Skonovd, 1981) who had actively sought out and explored other religions and spiritual traditions before settling on Wicca. The exception is a core coven member who, at age 11, reported hearing a voice inform her that "she belonged to the Lady." She says she had no idea what that meant at the time, but became a self-avowed pagan by the age of 17 and now has been one for 22 years. Out of respect for her long history and experience with the Craft, she was given the title of Elder Priestess by the coven.
By the time of this study, most of the women had taken some college courses. Two had completed four year degrees, with one then taking some post graduate study and the other working on a Master's Degree. Three women held clerical jobs, one was a salesclerk, one a "psych tech" on a mental ward, and two were unemployed. Five of the seven women were Caucasian, the oldest woman was an African American, and one woman was a Latina. Only the Elder Priestess, who had been with the coven almost since its start in 1971, was involved in a heterosexual relationship at the time of our research. She and her husband were married by Spiderwoman, Priestess of Ritual and Magic, during the Spring of 1989. All other members were self-identified lesbians, most of whom had held romantic relationships with men in the past. Two of them were previously married, and one has adult children. (5)
The Setting
Most of the ritual activities took place in the home of two of the witches, Aletheia and Spiderwoman. They had been partners for three years by the time we entered the setting. Their condominium was located in a working class neighborhood on the outskirts of Los Angeles. The decor consisted of soft lighting, a variety of goddess figurines, and numerous "witchy" artifacts, including a pentacle door harp, a frosted glass light in the shape of a crescent moon, and a crystal ball. During rituals, the glass-topped coffee table in the living room was often moved to the side and a small round table was used as an altar in the center of the room. The dining area held bookcases filled with books on philosophy, feminism, lesbianism, witchcraft, and goddess worship. The large heavy table in the dining area served as a place for the women to gather and plan future rituals and other coven activities. Sometimes this area was used for the ritual, and the large table would be moved outside to a small patio for sharing potluck items afterward. The patio was rimmed by a foot of dirt in which a few abundant rose bushes grew. In the corner was a Jacuzzi where the witches sometimes bathed after ceremonies.
Rituals that were open to other women took place at a campsite in a nearby mountain range. The death rituals took place at a funeral home and cemetery described later in this paper.
Gaining Entree
We gained entree to the Circle of the Redwood Moon when an opportunity presented itself near the end of Spring Semester, 1988. One of Lozano's students invited her class to attend a Spring Equinox ritual sponsored by her coven. (We later found that "open ritual" is one way the coven recruits new members, if not to the coven itself, to the religion.) We gained access to the coven by making use of what Reimer (1977) calls an "opportunistic" research strategy. Lozano was informed that everyone attending the ritual was expected to participate actively; no one would be allowed simply to observe. Given the stereotypes of witchcraft and its practitioners, we entered the setting with some trepidation about what we might encounter and what might be expected of us during the ritual. We quickly discovered we had nothing to fear.
The ritual was a spring celebration in which every person was to make a personal commitment to the earth and to the women's community. Members of the coven "raised energy and cast a circle," which is done at the beginning of every ritual as a means of "creating sacred space" (see Starhawk, 1979:55), and various priestesses led visualizations, meditations, dancing and chanting for the next hour or so. The ritual closed with a potluck "feast," women's music, and informal socializing. We left earlier than the others, saturated and exhausted by what we had seen, heard, and felt. Our first experience with Wiccan ritual and our debriefing session on the way home left one of the authors feeling hesitant about pursuing the research, while the other felt the group provided a fascinating setting to explore sociologically. Within a few days, we had both decided to pursue this unique research opportunity.
Lozano contacted the coven to discuss the possibility of our conducting team research. Her student served as "gatekeeper" and lobbied for the project. The other coven members were extremely protective. In a long interview, however, Lozano apparently answered their questions satisfactorily and gained permission on a tentative basis. A bargain was made that
the witches would not have editorial control over what we wrote, but could control our access to the ritual settings. We agreed that, while we would not do anything to violate our personal ethics, we would actively participate at some level during the rituals.
Research Roles
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a gradual transition from the perspective of the participant observer to that of an observing participant (Jules Rosette, 1975:22).
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Accurate (objective and truthful) findings are more rather than less likely as the researcher becomes involved directly, personally, and existentially with people in daily life.
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History and Worldview
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The Traditional Craft is solidly based on the idea of male female polarity, which is basic to most Craft magical working and ritual symbology (Adler, 1986:217).
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The Goddess does not rule the world, she is the world The importance of the Goddess inspires women to see ourselves as divine, our bodies as sacred, the changing phases of our lives as holy, our aggression as healthy, our anger as purifying and our power to nurture and create, but also to limit and destroy when necessary, as the very force that sustains all life. Through the Goddess, we can discover our strength, enlighten our minds, own our own bodies, and celebrate our emotions. We can move beyond narrow, constricting roles and become whole (Starhawk, 1979:9).
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Wicca, at itsbest, is the most flexible and adaptable of religions, since it is perfectly willing to throw out dogmas and rely on these types of experience alone (Adler, 1986:135).
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the art of changing consciousness at will magic is the psychology/technology of immanence. the applied science is based on an understanding of how energy makes patterns and patterns direct energy (Slarhawk, 1988:13)
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The very concept of dualities, of the polarity of male vs. female, black vs. white or good vs. evil, is a construct of the patriarchal mindframe which must be destroyed.
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Symbols of the Darkness: Death and Regeneration
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unsanitized by Christian tradition The Maiden and the Mother were adopted, sterilized, and rendered impotent The Crone was diabolized and survived with her powers intact.
The Kore/Persephone Myth
A central symbol of Dianic Wicca is the maiden Kore, daughter of Demeter, goddess of fertility and vegetation. In the classical myth, Kore was kidnapped and carried off by Hades, Lord of the Dead. In her grief, Demeter refused to let the earth produce. Zeus ordered Hades to return the maiden, but the Lord of the Dead secretly tricked Kore into eating part of a pomegranate, so that she would be forced to return to him several months each year. Out of this conception grew the Eleusinian mysteries and the doctrine of immortality.
In Dianic tradition, Kore descends, not because she is carried off, but because she hears the lost and confused cries of the dead. Nete, Elder Priestess of Song and Ritual, informed us that Kore walked of her own free will into the darkness. She passed beyond the veil and came to the Land of the Dead, where she comforted the dead, explained the reason for death to them, and helped ready them for rebirth. When at last she returned to the world of the living, she was forever marked by her experience. Having eaten seven pomegranate seeds, she ". . . can never again be wholly severed from the dark, the earth, the flesh" (Starhawk, 1988:91). Kore then took the name Persephone, and her story became a continual one of life, death, and rebirth, a reminder that Spring must be preceded by Winter. In her acceptance and understanding of death, Kore/Persephone affirms the cycle of life.
The Serpent
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It represents immortal energy and consciousness engaged in the field of time, constantly throwing off death and being born again ((it)) carries in itself the sense of both the fascination and the terror of life (Campbell, 1987 45)
The Cauldron
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Always the cauldron was understood to signify the cosmic womb, source of regeneration and rebirth. All life, mind, and energy arose in various forms from the ever boiling vessel, only to return thereto, when each form came to its destined end (Walker, 1985103)
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Darkness is the place of birth
Darkness is the womb
Darkness is the place of death
Darkness is the tomb.
Death belongs to life
Half of day is night
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. . . reincarnation is seen by some as a metaphor for mystically cellular transition in which the dancers DNA and RNA immortally twine themselves. (Morgan, 1977:306)
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The Funeral Rites
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He was really worried that we were going to cause some kind of big scene some kind of heretical thing in front of God and everyone at the Holy Cross Cemetery
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Blessed be thy mind that thou mayst partake of Her wisdom, thy eyes that share her vision, thy nostrils that smell her essence, thy mouth to speak her truth, thy breasts to nurture her children, thy womb the source of her creativity, thy yoni the source of her pleasure and energy, and thy feet that they may walk her path (See Budapest, 1980:96-100)
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Discussion
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One can experience an unconditional affirmation of life only when one has accepted death, not as contrary to life but as an aspect of life. (Campbell, 1987:152)
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Summary
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Endnotes
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References
These days Budapest is largely retired from ritual work, but still invites controversy and criticism, sometimes from fellow feminists.
When we say "thank you," we are not only showing appreciation but also validating the person receiving our gratitude. It boosts their self-esteem and motivates them to continue their positive behavior. Furthermore, gratitude has the power to strengthen personal and professional relationships by creating a sense of mutual respect and admiration. Lastly, the word "sorry" is often underestimated in its ability to mend relationships and heal wounds. When used sincerely and appropriately, it can defuse conflicts, show accountability, and demonstrate empathy. By saying "sorry," we are acknowledging our mistakes and taking responsibility for them. This humility can help rebuild trust and repair relationships that may have been damaged. It shows that we value the other person's feelings and are willing to rectify any harm caused. In conclusion, the three magic words – please, thank you, and sorry – are key in creating harmonious relationships, fostering trust, and cultivating a positive environment. These words have the power to transform interactions and bring people closer together. Let us not underestimate the impact of these small but meaningful phrases and remember to use them genuinely and consciously in our everyday lives..
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