Once upon a time in a small village, there lived an elderly woman named Agatha. At first glance, Agatha seemed like a harmless old lady with wrinkled skin and a hunched back. However, behind her seemingly friendly facade, Agatha was a malevolent witch with a wicked plan. Agatha had always been an outcast in the village, shunned by her neighbors due to her peculiar habits and strange appearance. This isolation had fueled her rage and resentment, leading her to embrace black magic and witchcraft as a means of seeking revenge on those who had wronged her. As the village's malevolent elderly witch, Agatha spent her days concocting potions and casting spells in her hidden lair deep within the forest.
As the village's malevolent elderly witch, Agatha spent her days concocting potions and casting spells in her hidden lair deep within the forest. She used her vast knowledge of dark arts to sow discord and chaos among the villagers, deviously manipulating their lives for her own satisfaction. Whenever someone crossed her path, Agatha would cast spells that brought misfortune upon them.
Amy Coney Barrett is our Grand High Witch. Can we turn her into a mouse?
This is the midweek what-to-watch edition of Snarky Senior — the newsletter from Erica Manfred, which you can read about here . If you like it and don’t want to miss an issue, you can get it in your inbox by subscribing.
In the latest version of The Witches on HBO Max, Octavia Spencer is the earthy good witch who combats the demonically evil Grand High Witch, played by Anne Hathaway.
The plot is simple. A young orphaned black boy (Jahzir Bruno) goes to live with his grandmother (Spencer) but when a local witch takes an interest in him they escape to a luxury hotel unaware that the witches’ annual conference is being held there. Horror ensues. The boy spies on the conference and overhears the dastardly plan of the Grand High Witch—a command to her minions to murder children by turning them into mice. A drop or two of her magic potion—Formula 86--in a candy bar will do the trick.
Of course she catches the boy spying and turns him and his friends into mice. He seeks revenge with the help of grandma who has a few potions and tricks up her own sleeve. The mouse-children sneak into the kitchen and lace the witches’ pea soup with Formula 86, turning them all into mice. Hilarity ensues as the hotel staff tries to smash them with brooms.
The movie is grand fun. Hathaway is wickedly over-the-top in a bizarre accent and malevolent grin as she chews up the CGI scenery. Spencer (one of my favorite actresses) is delightful as a comforting, cushiony antidote to the skinny, malevolent Hathaway.
When I finished watching I checked the news only to find that my witch nightmare was now a reality--Amy Coney Barrett had been confirmed to the Supreme Court, appearing in the dark of night with arch-villain Trump to take her oath.
I flashed back to the movie. With that high, squeaky voice, blandly pretty face and blond stringy hair, Barrett would have fit right in at the witch’s dinner. Her controversial scarlet dress would have been perfect dinner-party-with-the-witches attire. She certainly possesses the main hallmark of an evil witch in abundance—hypocrisy.
I comforted myself with the many deliciously ironic reversals in both the movie and the Supreme Court nomination.
In the film the good witch does not resemble the traditional version--Glinda from the Wizard of Oz, the beautiful young white lady with a magic wand—but rather is a middle-aged black woman with only a few herbal remedies but a lot of love to give. The bad witch pretends to be a beautiful white woman but she’s actually not a woman at all, she’s a demon who is consumed with hate.
The traditional witch iconography of a shriveled old crone with a hooked nose who kidnaps children is an anti-Semitic trope that’s been around for centuries. In our Supreme Court nomination version of The Witches, the tiny old Jewish crone is actually the most powerful of good witches. She dies at the worst possible moment, and her power is usurped by an unscrupulous cabal of bad witches called Republicans. They install one of their own as the Grand High Witch--a pretty, young, white Christian woman who pretends to care about ordinary people but really wants to take away their right to choose, their civil rights and health insurance and make it easier to kill them with guns.
In another ironic twist, this particular Grand High Witch has a passel of her own children and has actually adopted two black children. Is she planning to turn them into mice perchance?
She really should because she’s certainly not going to protect them from getting shot any other way. She’s not only against gun control, she’s against reigning in the police. She sided with the police on 86% of cases that came before her court.
This witch claims that the George Floyd killing was “emotional” for her family. Her black children are going to be a hell of a lot more “emotional” when a police killing case reaches the Supreme Court and she exonerates the police.
So what is going to be our Formula 86 for our Grand High Witch? How do we turn her into a mouse? A few more justices perhaps?
Or is there another way to shrivel her and her minions? I’d bet there are a few real-life witches out there casting spells as I write. I certainly hope so.
The rest of us have to settle for voting. It’s high time our fortunes changed.
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In another ironic twist, this particular Grand High Witch has a passel of her own children and has actually adopted two black children. Is she planning to turn them into mice perchance?
Crops withered, livestock fell ill, and relationships crumbled under her curse. She took immense pleasure in witnessing the suffering she had caused, relishing in the chaos that ensued. Moreover, Agatha had a particular fondness for targeting the young and innocent. Children who dared to venture near her cottage would be lured inside by promises of sweet treats or magical games, only to be trapped and subjected to her twisted experiments. Their innocence served as a source of power for her dark magic, leaving the villagers terrified for their little ones' safety. Despite her malevolent nature, Agatha was not without vulnerability. Legends and rumors whispered through the village spoke of a magical artifact hidden within her lair that held the key to her power. The villagers, tired of living under Agatha's oppressive reign, decided to take matters into their own hands and put an end to her tyranny once and for all. A group of brave individuals, armed with bravery and determination, ventured into the depths of the forest to find Agatha's lair. Overcoming numerous obstacles and facing their own fears, they finally reached the cottage and discovered the hidden artifact. As the villagers destroyed the artifact, Agatha's power began to dissipate. At that moment, she appeared before them in her true form, a hideous hag with fiery eyes and a twisted smile. Enraged at the destruction of her source of power, Agatha unleashed her remaining wrath upon the village, but to no avail. The villagers stood united against her, their resilience and determination strong enough to overcome her malevolence once and for all. In the end, Agatha's reign of terror came to an end, and the village was freed from her evil grip. Life returned to normal, and the villagers no longer lived in fear of the malevolent elderly witch. Agatha's name became a cautionary tale, a reminder of the dangers that can arise from nurturing darkness and seeking revenge. Her story served as a lesson to never underestimate the power of unity and the strength of the human spirit in overcoming evil..
Reviews for "The Malevolent Elderly Witch: A Rising Threat in Modern Society"
1. Emma - 1/5 - I found "Malevolent elderly witch" to be extremely boring and predictable. The storyline lacked originality and failed to capture my interest at any point. The characters felt one-dimensional and lacked depth, making it hard to sympathize with any of them. The dialogue was also poorly written, often feeling forced and unnatural. Overall, I was highly disappointed with this book and would not recommend it to anyone.
2. John - 2/5 - "Malevolent elderly witch" had so much potential, but it fell flat for me. The pacing was incredibly slow, and the plot felt disjointed and confusing. It seemed like the author was trying too hard to make everything mysterious and mystical, but it ended up being convoluted and hard to follow. The main character's motivations were unclear, and I couldn't connect with them in any way. The writing style was also lackluster, lacking any real depth or emotion. It pains me to say this, but this book just didn't do it for me.
3. Rachel - 2/5 - I was really looking forward to reading "Malevolent elderly witch" based on the intriguing premise, but unfortunately, it fell short of my expectations. The writing was mediocre, with excessive description and a lack of action. The pacing was incredibly slow, making it difficult to stay engaged in the story. I also found the main character to be irritating and unrelatable. The plot twists were predictable, and the resolution felt rushed and unsatisfying. Overall, this book left me disappointed and wanting more.